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When Love is a One-Way Street

Dear Philippa:

I met a girl this past summer, and although we only spoke twice, I really liked her. I saw her around, but I didn't ask her out until the fall. I complimented her looks and told her she had a cool personality. But, she said no to dating me because she had lots of boyfriends. I even asked if I could change anything about myself, like my personality, but she said I should join a club or something to meet girls. This has happened to me four times. I still like that girl and she smiles at me. My friends told me to move on�there are more fish in the sea. I might send her a Valentine card or ask her out again. What should I do?

�Brian, Southfield, Michigan


Dear Brian:

I know just how you feel. Why is it that the people we like are often not available? That is a hard lesson to learn at any age. But, what really concerns me is that you feel you might need to change your personality to get this girl's interest. One of the keys to real happiness in any relationship is having someone in your life who likes you just the way you are. You shouldn't have to change yourself to have someone like you. And, while persistence can be an admirable trait, you have to learn to be flexible and to know when to let go. Letting go is easier when you realize that you are not giving away your one and only chance. Have the confidence to say goodbye to the wrong one so you can meet the right ones. I said right ones, Brian, because there will always be more than one person out there who is right for you. Your friends are right-it is time to move on.

Try paying more attention to girls who seem to like you-girls who laugh at your jokes and ask you questions about yourself. Try placing your attention and interest where there seems to be some reciprocal interest. Sometimes, someone you just thought of as just a casual friend can become a very special someone in your life.

Stay true to yourself, Brian, and remember that dating is supposed to be fun-not hard work.


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