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Where Are All the Good Guys?

Dear Philippa:

I am a divorced woman in my forties who finds it difficult to meet men who are like me-mature, educated, professional, and energetic. I prefer not to date men I work with; and, while I go to church, grocery stores, the beach, I do not seem to find men who are interested in meeting me. Can you tell me where else to look?

�Marie, Miami, Florida


Dear Marie:

Sometimes, when we reach a certain age, we develop a belief system that there are fewer people out there who could be interested in us. Yes, the number of available people may be fewer when we are older. But, whatever age you are, all you need is the right one-not large numbers.

I am frequently asked where the best places to meet people are, by men and women of all ages (and preferences). The simple answer is that the best place to meet someone is where you feel the most comfortable. You need to just be yourself, because that is where the true you will shine. You want to ultimately connect with that special someone who will like you just the way you are.

The not-so-simple answer is that everyone has a different interpretation of what method of meeting people is the most comfortable. Some people thrive on small group conversation, and like dressing up and meeting people through dining clubs. Some have the looks and/or confidence to enjoy video dating. And others, who like the camaraderie of group activities, prefer meeting people through adventure or special interest activity clubs.

In the Meant2Be seminar we use a simple matrix to help each person evaluate and select the right method for meeting people. Here is a simple way to get started: First make a list of your options-methods for meeting people-both ones you have tried and new possibilities. Rate each of these options, based on your comfort, the cost, the time involved, and the number of men that you think you would meet who fit your basic criteria (e.g., age, religion). It is best if you choose to use several different methods concurrently to meet people. For instance, it would not be advisable to depend on just a matchmaker to provide all your social connections, due to the extended amount of time it could take to meet just a few people.

If you have been out of the dating scene for a while, you may want to gear up and gain some confidence before trying new methods of meeting people. Some people find newspaper or Internet ads easier at first, because they allow anonymity until a comfort level is reached. It is important that you consider everyone you meet as simply an opportunity to clarify what you are looking for in that special someone. Practice saying no thanks to the wrong ones (they may say no thanks to you too). This way you will be ready to recognize and say yes to the right one when he comes along.


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