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When Long Term Relationships
    Are Measured in Months

Dear Philippa:

I am an attractive, intelligent, 32-year-old woman. I'm independent, work for myself, and own a condo. While I have no trouble meeting men, holding their interest is another matter. I am considered fun to be with by the men I date. The only problem is that I seem to be doing something wrong, because in less than a month the men I am seeing start cooling off and telling me they just want to be friends. Is it me or them?

�Stacy, Gainesville, FL


Dear Stacy:

I too used to think that getting beyond a few weeks of dating someone was difficult. My family and friends thought I was on a revolving man-a-month plan. I don't know enough about how you are meeting these men or why you choose to date certain ones to e able to talk specifically to your situation. I can however offer this insight based on my personal experience and the stories I hear from the students who attend Meant2Be seminars.

Most of us, when we are dating, believe in the myth: If I could only meet enough people then eventually the right one will come along. The reality is that if you don't know what you are really looking for in the first place, and that means the right kind of man for you Stacy, then you will just meet lots of people that are wrong for you. If you are finding dates online, for example, and you get many responses, that can be a great ego boost. The problem with that is that unless you carefully screen all those responses for the right kind of man for you, you will end up spending a great deal of time with men who can be bad news for you.

Another aspect may be that when we are hungry for companionship, we end up giving up our power and become almost grateful when someone reasonably attractive shows interest in us. We stop choosing whom we want to date, based on the right type of person for us. Then when the person who chose us loses interest, we are left wondering why.

You describe yourself as an independent and accomplished woman Stacy. Are you taking control of your love life by figuring out whom you really want to date and whom you want to spend your time with? Try saying no to the ones that do not really fit your needs. Look beyond the physical attraction and instant charm and ask yourself, "Is this the kind of man I can see sharing my life with for the long-term?"

Stop thinking that you are doing something wrong Stacy. When you find the right kind of man for you, he will like you just the way you are. The parts of you that may scare off the wrong ones are the things that the right man will love or at the very least accept in you. Start visualizing yourself with the right man�sharing a life together that stretches out far into your future and you will have it.




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