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It's Time Baby

Dear Philippa:

You're probably surprised get this kind of letter from a guy. Well, I'm a 37 year-old divorced male and I want to meet the right girl and start a family. I meet enough women, but I don't seem to be able to find ones I like and who are interested in starting a family. I love kids and I come from a large Italian family with lots of nieces and nephews. What should I do, I don't want to be a 40-year-old bachelor?

�Sal, Philadelphia


Dear Sal:

It's not unusual for men around your age to want to settle down and start a family. But the anxiety I detect in your letter concerns me. Have you noticed that when you feel good about yourself and act relaxed, how you tend to be more attractive to people? What happens when you are around people who are feeling anxious or needy? You want to run the other way, don't you?

Imagine that we all have neon signs on us that blink certain messages. Some people's signs say, "kick me", or "stay away-I don't trust you." Your sign seems to be saying, "I have to find a woman who wants a baby now!" This could be driving away the very women you want to meet.

Your fears of scarcity are creating your negative reality. There are unlimited women out there that you could like, and who are interested in starting a family with the right guy. And remember, you need to meet only one right woman.

To change your mindset, imagine what your life will be like with the woman you are going to meet. See yourself laughing together as you push Sal Jr's stroller. Don't worry about what she looks like. Just enjoy the feeling and start believing this can and will happen.

Instead of watching a family in a restaurant and feeling your heart squeezed with sadness, start to feel excited about what is coming into your life. The most important thing is for you to find a lady with whom you can have a strong, loving relationship. Not everyone knows, when they are dating, that they want to marry-much less start a family. Those types of life decisions emerge over time and through trust.

Now, let's talk about what you can do to put yourself in touch with women who are ready to start a family. How about looking close at hand, like at a place of worship? You could try online dating and include in your profile how important family is to you and how you've got lots of practice changing diapers for all your nephews and nieces. Just remember to transmit this information with humor instead of neediness. You could also try using an introduction service and let the matchmaker know you want to meet women who are ready to start a family.

Sal, relax and enjoy yourself. Forget about the family thing for a while and life will probably surprise you when you least expect it.


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