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Chasing Dream Lovers

Dear Philippa:

I used to live across the hall from a guy a few years older than me that I really liked. But I was dating someone else at the time. He moved away and I never forgot him. In fact I�ve tried to contact him again for 3 years but it was only recently that I tracked him down and got the nerve to call him. We�ve been playing phone tag and we haven� t spoken directly. I pretended it was a business call and I�m not sure he even remembers me. He�s got a great job in New York City and I�m working in a small town and still trying to complete college. He works in the music industry where he must meet loads of gorgeous women. I�m even thinking about relocating to New York to be close to him. What should I do?

�Kathi, Idaho Falls


Dear Kathi,

Many years ago I got all caught up in the fantasy of having a life with a man I met at an airport several times. All we did was sit together on those flights and talked a bit. But I was convinced he was the one. Later I tracked him down, called him, and found out he was in a serious relationship. But I still held onto the fantasy for some time.

The wonderful thing about being at this point in your life is that your heart is open to romantic dreams. Enjoy these times but realize that they are usually just dreams. The reality is that the man you are pursuing may not remember you or if he does he probably won�t have the same feelings you have. Even if he is available and interested in meeting you, who knows where that could lead. And at this point in your very different lives, would you get on well enough to even enjoy dating casually?

It sounds like you have been missing romantic fulfillment in your life for some time. Are there no local men who you like and who like you? Or would the local men pale in comparison to the romantic giant you�ve imagined your New York guy to be? The antidote to the crush I had on my fantasy airport guy was dating men who were available and who liked me as much as I liked them.

Try and imagine being your own best friend right now�what advice would you give that friend under these same circumstances? I think the wise side of you already knows the answer. Some time, not too long from now, you will meet a wonderful man who thinks you are wonderful too. This time it won�t be just a dream. And you won�t have to turn your life upside down pursuing him across the country.


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