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Good Guy or Bad Boy

Dear Philippa:

I am tired of meeting great women who just want to become friends. How do I get them to see me as a romantic partner? Maybe I am too much the nice guy. What do you think I should do to change?

�Danny, New York


Dear Danny,

Why are romance and friendship such an either/or proposition for so many people? I hear from many people who complain that they meet men or women with whom they have tons of chemistry but none of the comfort and compatibility they have with their friends. It is possible to have attraction with someone and have the qualities of a great friendship too�the easy to be with comfort, acceptance and sharing.

Maybe it�s societal influences, but many of us tend to focus primarily on the physical and romantic attraction part of the equation. Then we try to shoehorn ourselves into fitting with the person in other ways. Are you doing that with the women you are attracted to?

First of all, you don�t have to change yourself just to get women to see you as a romantic prospect. Why put so much energy into trying to change yourself to get what you want? The thing you need to change is how you choose the women you date.

Take some time and think about having a relationship with a woman who appreciates the wonderful qualities you have as a friend and who finds you very appealing. How would you feel with a woman like this? Have some fun and fantasize. Imagine having a great time, laughing and being relaxed with this great lady and sharing plenty of sizzle too. Stop seeing yourself lacking in something�you already have it all, just the way you are.

Focus on finding a woman who values your ability to be a great friend. Believe me there are plenty of those ladies out there. Chemistry isn�t always a sledgehammer that hits you on the first date. Attraction can really grow when you�re feeling secure and not on edge trying to figure out how to maneuver someone. The more relaxed you are with someone, the more appealing you�ll become.

You could change yourself into the "bad boy" and maybe meet some women that way, just like women who pretend to be what they think men want. But who needs the games and manipulations? You can only play the part for so long. Ultimately you can have someone who thinks that you are great just the way you are and finds you appealing in all respects. Just start believing it and before you know it you�ll both be shopping at Victoria�s Secret together.


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