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Blind Dates from Hell

Dear Philippa:

My friends keep trying to set me up with guys they know. This wouldn�t be so bad, but these guys are so wrong for me. We have nothing in common. How can I get my friends to stop fixing me up with bozos without hurting their feelings?

�Sherrie, Providence


Dear Sherrie,

I know exactly what you mean. The initial shock of recognition�this is the person my friends said I would love! On what planet did they find this guy? If I have to hear one more minute about the merit of mutual funds I will scream. Why do our friends do this to us? Simply because they know two, nice, single people who they want to help find love like they have. I�m not so sure our friends put much thought into compatibility or chemistry. Even when they do, they are often so off base it�s mind-boggling.

Friends (and professional matchmakers) need us to help them understand the kind of person we are looking for�that way when they find the right person for us they will recognize him or her.

That brings us to the most important point, Sherrie�do you know what kind of guy you are looking for? I am not talking about what he specifically looks or interests. Think about the people in your life that you love being around and focus how you feel with these people. You�ll notice some the kinds of things you laugh at together, your similar life styles, common traits and their personality types. This is the kind of information you can share with your friends. Let them know how much you like spending time with Patty�how it would be great to find a guy like her who is so spontaneous, active and involved in helping others.

There�s still no guarantee that your well-meaning friends will get it�but at least they should be more in the ballpark the next time they try to fix you up. The other way to reduce the impact of a blind date from hell is to treat it just like you had met someone online. Arrange to meet for just a very quick cup of coffee. I think this works better than the foursome thing where you are stuck through a whole dinner or longer trying to look like you are enjoying yourself.

When just the two of you meet for coffee, you may be able to laugh over the mismatch. You may know someone this nice guy should meet and you could both set each other up with friends.

You never know, your friends could strike gold and inadvertently set you up with Mr. Right�but it�s more likely to happen if you give them the information they need to help them do it.


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