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How to Marry a Mailman

Dear Philippa:

I earn an OK living, not a lot, but enough, and I keep meeting women who earn a lot more than me. When they find out what I do, well that's it; they won't have anything to do with me. What's an ordinary guy to do, rob a bank?

�Ken, Atlanta, Georgia


Dear Ken,

Your letter reminded me of meeting someone years ago who was a mailman. As soon as we first talked on the phone he held up his job title so defensively that he almost challenged me to reject him for it. Of course other women had rejected him. This may also have had to do with his attitude about his job. Personally I subscribe to the opinion that people are not their jobs, their cars, or their clothes.

I'm not saying that there aren't job-snobs out there. I hear from women who say now that they earn great money and own their home men are put off by their apparent independence. These women ask if they should act more needy to attract men. Do you have to act needy or rob a bank to have someone to want you?

Face the reality that there are shallow people out there. Unfortunately status, youth, and looks affect both men and women. Be thankful that they show their true colors right away so you don't waste your time with them.

Ken if you want things to change you have to change your mindset. Why are you focusing on how much you do or don't earn? Try focusing on your real worth to a woman. If you've sold yourself on the belief that women mainly care about a man's earning power, you might as well rob a bank because you'll make more friends in jail.

Aberrations like the television show "How to Marry a Millionaire" go for the lowest common denominator. Women every where were outraged by that whole premise. Let the status seekers marry their millionaires and wake up to lives that are far from fairy tales.

Talk to some women friends and coworkers and find out the kind of attributes they want in a man. Chances are you already have many of these attributes. A warm, loving man who is an equal partner in a relationship and shows a lot of interest in a woman is the kind of currency that attracts the kind of woman you are looking for and deserve.

As soon as you start seeing yourself as much more than your job, women will see your value too.


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