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Find Me a Strong Man

Dear Philippa:

I have a great job, own my own home, and keep myself in shape; but all I seem to meet is men who want to be 'fixed" or they are too young and want me to teach them about life. Where are all the strong, accomplished, real men?

�Lois, Hanalei, HI


Dear Lois,

People can always say that there aren't enough good jobs, less expensive places to live, good men or women to meet. Yet, somebody is always finding that great job, that hidden apartment, or the most incredible partner despite the supposed odds. How is it that some people seem to be so "lucky", while others struggle and complain about how hard it is? It's all a matter of perspective.

We are all at different growth stages. Sometimes we meet people who are about to emerge into another phase in their life. They may be coming out of a rough patch financially or in transition and searching for the "next wave". Sometimes they are just passing through your lifeother times they turn out to be the person you were supposed to spend a long time withyou never know. If you knew these guys were on their way to getting their lives together, how would you feel about yourself when you were with them?

Wise people say that everyone who crosses our path is there to teach us something. Maybe the men you are meeting who seem to be searching for answers in you can also teach you about something. Often, we have preconceived ideas of exactly who our right person should be, based on what we think we need. Often we are so focused on this picture that we block the most important aspect of compatibilityhow we feel when about ourselves when we are with someone, not just how we feel about them.

It could be that once you let go of wanting a man who is already "fixed" and just focus on being with men with whom you can feel totally yourself, accepted, alive, and attracted, then the other parts of the puzzle may fit into place.

I remember years ago meeting a young cowboy on roller blades who sang to me while I was jogging in my favorite park. He invited me to hear him at a County & Western club. I went even though he was a lot younger than me and I didn't really care for country music. That turned out to be quite a night�one I will never forget. He serenaded me in front of a crowd of real country folk at a real (we're talking genuine in the country) old style place. I learned to two-step, met some good people, and went away smiling to myself. This man was too young for me, but he showed me a side of life I'm glad I got to know. I stepped out of my comfort zone for a moment, met some special people, and had quite a story to share with my friends the next day.

Try opening yourself up to all possibilities and maintain a good sense of humor. Let go of the urgency and see yourself sharing that hammock by the ocean with the man who is perfect for youwho appreciates all your are and all you have accomplishedsomeone who makes it safe for you show your gentler nature. Enjoy all the experiences life is bringing your way now knowing that your Mr. Right may not come wrapped in just the package your expect. Sometimes the butterfly has to emerge from the cocoon.


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