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Looking for a Leg Man

Dear Philippa:

I'm 28 years old and I'm thinking about having plastic surgery. My friends think I'm crazy. I'm just tired of looking like a boy, if you get what I mean? I notice the attention my other friends get. When I'm with them I feel like I'm invisible. I've thought about it for a long time but I thought you might be more open about it than the people I know.

�Darlene, Denver, CO


Dear Darlene,

I have to be truthful and tell you that I have some misgivings about you doing this. Not because I'm against plastic surgery or that you shouldn't want to change your appearance. It's the reason you're doing it that has me worried.

We live in a society that seems to use the size of a woman's breasts as a measure of her femininity and desirability. Europeans, and the French in particular, are puzzled by how we Americans seem to value things by their larger size. French standards for feminine beauty seem different to ours.

Surveys in the US clearly indicate that men believe that the sexiest woman is a woman who feels sexy about herself. The sensuality that men find appealing in a woman starts with her attitude about her body, not the size of her breasts.

Of course men are visual beings and they often find looking at a women's breasts exciting. But not all men in the US are "breast men". Some men are into certain body parts and studies show that legs and behinds are rated equally appealing. The most desirable men are the ones who are connoisseurs of women, regardless of their female body type.

The issue from my point of view is that you seem to equate your small breast size with being less sexy and attractive. This makes you feel less sexy. And it's this attitude that the men around you are probably picking up.

You may have already made your mind up to go through with breast enlargement. That is your right and I hope it produces the results you want. But, please first take a little time and try the following before you go ahead with surgery. First put all thought about the subject on hold for a few weeks. Keep counsel with just yourself and avoid discussing this with your friends? Choose to be around people who allow you to feel good about yourself.

Play your favorite, always-makes-you-feel-good, music and imagine being with a man that thinks you are "hot stuff" just the way you are. Take a week to spoil yourself and get in touch with your sensuality. You could buy yourself some sexy lingerie and wear it under your office clothes. Take a long bubble bath and think about the great guy who is about to come into your life. Buy your favorite foods and eat them outdoors and luxuriate in their taste and texture. This is your week to be good to Darlene. Flirt with your eyes and laugh a lot. Shop for clothes that emphasize your best features. Notice how differently you feel about yourself and how people react differently to you.

And when you decide about the surgery, whatever decision you make, make it because you love yourself, not because you need other people to love you.



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