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Becoming a Babe Magnet

Dear Philippa,

It seems like if I'm the only guy in a room full of women; I always pick the woman who is involved with someone else. How can I identify the women who are single and available?

�Cal, Austin, TX


Dear Cal,

You're not alone. I just received a similar letter from a woman in Sacramento. Ever hear of negative radar? We all suffer with it. Negative radar is when you finally get up your nerve to talk to someone at a bar or party, then he/or she introduces you to the person whom they're obviously dating or worse, married to-and you're left feeling like a total twit.

So how do you reprogram your radar and start focusing in on the RIGHT people? First of all, it's not about just identifying someone who is available. You want to recognize and attract people with potential. Most of us think we should first find the available ones, then find out if they're interested, and only then see if we're really interested in them. That misconception goes hand in hand with another dating myth that says, "If I meet enough people, eventually I will meet the right one." In reality you waste your time meeting and dating a lot of wrong people. This wears down your self-esteem, then you start feeling bad about yourself and that results in negative radar.

Forget about dating for a minute and think about this: The proven steps to achieving any goal are 1) Know what you want, 2) Believe you can have it, and 3) See yourself achieving it. Great athletes, inventors, artists, salespeople, and those that overcome catastrophic diseases all attest to the proven power of using their mind to achieve their goals by applying these three simple steps.

Cal, let's apply this to your situation. To create positive radar you need to change your mind-set. First, state your goal in the affirmative. "I always meet the RIGHT women at social and business events." Write this statement down and stick it to your mirror. Forget about the past and your track record. You are now a "babe magnet".

Next, think about something you really excel at, feel proud about, and really enjoy. It could be something to do with work, a hobby, athletic ability, a special talent, your skills as a cook or a parent, etc. Imagine yourself involved in the activity that brings you such pride and joy. See yourself doing it. Now, hold onto those positive feelings and change the "tape" in your mind. Now with those same feelings, see yourself with a large group of women. You are confident and relaxed. Women are turning and smiling at you. You feel excited at all the possibilities. A neon sign above your head flashes, "Hi, I'm Cal�a great guy�ready to meet the RIGHT woman." See yourself talking and laughing with lots of different women. Focus on how wonderful you feel, not on how the women look. See yourself leaving the event in the company of a woman who is smiling and laughing with you. Repeat this exercise before you go to sleep or as you wake up in the morning, when your unconscious mind is more receptive.

This is more than mere positive thinking. There are several new books out by scientists and medical doctors that substantiate how our thoughts make changes in our biological system and release hormones that create changes in our brain. The subconscious mind does not distinguish between reality and imagination. When you imagine being popular and attracting the RIGHT women, you create changes in your brain that produce those substances that make you feel good. When you're feeling good about yourself people are more attracted to you.

Refocusing your radar doesn't happen overnight. Take some time out from trying to meet women while you reframe your thoughts. Choose to be around positive people and spend time doing things that make you feel good about yourself. You'll notice the positive radar working without even trying. You'll be writing to ask how you should decide which great woman to choose.



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