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Married, But...

Dear Philippa,

I'm falling hard for a married guy. I knew he was married when we met, but it felt like we were meant for each other, and I'm not sure I could find something like we have again. He says he's never cheated before but his current wife has major medical problems. And, Jerry's first wife died with his unborn baby. Am I crazy to wait and live in hope he will divorce his wife for me?

�Sharlene, Mobile AL


Dear Sharlene,

I think you are asking yourself the wrong question. This is not about whether you are crazy to wait and live in hope that this guy will leave his wife. The questions you need to ask are about you, not about waiting for him.

Do you believe that you deserve a relationship where you are THE ONE and not just the other woman?

Before you rush to say, of course I do, dig deeper. You mention that you worry that you won't find this kind of thing again. Why do you think the closeness you have with this married man is something you can not find with another man who is available?

Your married guy seems to have a lot of unresolved emotional baggage. These kinds of unresolved emotions can create havoc in his life and in the lives of others. People who are in the middle of personal challenges and tragedy seem so open and vulnerable and this can create a sense of intimacy that is very enticing�especially if you are the kind of woman who finds that men do not usually open up and talk to you in this way.

It is not surprising that tragedy and unavailability are the hallmarks of any good romance novel. Take it from someone who has walked in your shoes; it is easy in these circumstances to be caught up with what I call Romantic Fantasia.

Let's get realistic. See the situation for what it is. A lack of sex in a marriage has nothing to do with the amount of love a couple can share. If you are the first woman with whom this man has cheated, he is going to feel some guilt. Have you been feeling guilty too? The only good thing about guilt is it gives your conscience a kick in tush when it needs it.

You needed some romance and intimacy in your life and your married guy needed some physical and emotional closeness. You both got what you needed. Now it's time to move on.

Sharlene, believe that YOU deserve to be THE ONE in some great guy's life. Know that to be a fact and you will have the strength to walk away from this guy and let him resolve his own issues. Realize what a gift you are and your Right guy will appear.



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