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Qualifying Your Prospects

Dear Philippa,

I'm a middle-aged guy who is ready to be married and have children. I want to make sure the women I meet are in the same ballpark. My friends say I'm going to drive women away if I'm too direct about my objectives. What do you think?

�Paul, Chicago, IL


Dear Paul,

Believe me I understand what it feels like when your heart cries out for kids. Knowing what you want is the first step to achieving it. Now for the big however� You know how it feel when you meet a woman who seems needy or desperate. It makes you feel like running the other way, doesn't it? What if you meet someone who seems highly goal driven and inflexible, how does that make you feel? Sounds like this is what your friends are worried about.

Your question seems to be: Can I qualify a woman as a prospect for a mate and mother without driving her away?

I specifically used the word qualify because it is "me" focused. In sales we say: "Let me qualify you as potential customer before I my spend time and effort selling you my widget.

Conversely, the marketing approach says, "I want to know what you (my potential customer) need so I can determine if and how I can best fulfill your needs." The emphasis is on "you" not "me".

Just changing your mindset from a "me" to "you" approach will create amazing changes in your life. You will now attract, rather than repel, the right women.

Imagine for a minute that you are a woman looking for husband material. If you were the kind of woman that you are looking for, what would you do to meet the right guy (you)? Maybe you would list yourself on some online matchmaking sites in the longer-term relationship section. Maybe these sites use a search engine where you can call-up profiles of people who use the word family or children, etc.

Whether you are responding to someone's profile/ad or putting one on the web yourself, remember to emphasize your love of children, your desire for a true partnership and family life�do not talk about a specific requirement for a woman who is a certain age and fertile.

Having a goal is good, but there is a delicate balance between knowing what you want and being too driven about it. When you are driven you create a block to the very thing you want to achieve. The trick is to be confident that your goal is already achieved and then take the steps necessary to get there. Let your need go and continue on with your life. When you are relaxed and confident, you will find women literally coming out of the woodwork who share your goals. Life has a funny way of surprising you. Be goal oriented and be open. But, keep in mind that your perfect woman may not be in the exact gift-wrap or package that you are expecting.



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