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Carrying a Torch

Dear Philippa,

I just don't seem to be meeting anyone special lately. I go out with women just to pass the time. I think I may be still stuck on a wonderful woman I met last year. We seemed so perfect for each other. We could talk to each other all night and never run out of things to say or laugh at. Why is it that the good ones never work out?

�Nathan, Toledo, OH


Dear Nathan,

When I've been shattered by a special relationship ending, it helped to remember that this person was a gift�a reminder that I was getting closer to meeting my ultimate one. This experience was practice so I would be prepared to recognize the right one when they appeared.

Before my husband and I met, he had met a woman who seemed like his soul mate, but she got cold feet and bolted. A little later he met me and the previous experience helped him see that I was the one.

Remember the wonderful times you shared with this woman and the qualities you liked in her. Parts of that past love will be in your ideal-one as well as other special attributes. Often our pain comes from believing that we will never feel this kind of connection again. That's scarcity thinking. The woman you mention was not your one and was certainly not your only chance unless that is what you believe. There is a woman out there right now looking for someone just like you. Maybe she is getting over someone too.

I sense your restlessness and melancholy. Like autumn, your situation reminds me how like the seasons we need times of peace and self-reflection as well as close companionship. Maybe this is your time to concentrate on other areas of your life as you accept the current cycle. Like the seasons the wheel will move and things will change again.

There is no need to clutter your life the company of women who just make you feel lonelier. That's not fair to them either. Focus your energies somewhere you feel some passion in your life, career, hobbies, and travel. Accept this season and enjoy it. You'll soon be attracting the kind of women you deserve.




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