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Will You Still Love Me when I'm 64?

Dear Philippa,

I'm at a stage where I would like to share my life with someone. But I'm just an average looking, middle-aged woman. I don't want to face the years ahead alone but I know the odds aren't in my favor.

�Miriam, Charlottesville, VA


Dear Miriam,

The chances of a middle-aged woman marrying or even just meeting the man of her dreams are a matter of what we believe, not what the statistics tell us.

I resent that we are fed all this negative possibility stuff and I am even more peeved that we buy it and ultimately make it our reality. Of course society doesn't make it easy for us to believe otherwise. I remember when I was thinking of using an introduction service when the matchmaker turned me down, sight unseen, because I was considered "over the hill."

Thankfully my feisty Irish side rose up and said I'll show you. And, ultimately I took matters into my own hands and brought the most wonderful man into my life�a man who wanted a relationship with a mature woman he could relate to. The statistics we don't hear are about all the couples out there who have found each other in later life.

Fighting negative stereotypes and statistics takes so much energy because the biggest wall we face is often our own perceptions. We look in the mirror and want to see the younger woman we once were. Remember that men are looking in the same mirrors and seeing hairs sprouting out their nose and ears while the hair on their head is jumping ship.

On that subject, I happen to love my husband's balding head. Just as he loves me while my so-called laugh lines have become size 13 crow's feet. That's the joy of finding love at midlife. You can enjoy not being perfect while you have someone who thinks you're absolutely perfect for them.

We are all getting older in our bodies. But that has nothing to do with your spirit, the smile inside, and the parts of you that are ageless and so special.

Change your thinking�in reality men at midlife are not all looking for Twinkies to spend the rest of their life with. Mature men want a vibrant, loving life companion and partner with the substance to stand by them during the good and the tough times. Fight that negative thinking�it's your only enemy. Replace it with positive belief no matter what others say. Focus on all you have to contribute to some guy's life. Be a safe, warm harbor for someone special and your ship will come in.




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