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Finding Love on Vacation

Dear Philippa,

I am a young, successful woman who is between boyfriends. I've tried so many ways to meet guys. I would like to go to Club Med or rent a summer vacation cottage and meet someone, but none of my girlfriends want to do this either because of the cost or because they think a summer rental is something you do with a boyfriend. They've been telling me to go on vacation by myself, what do you think?

�Glenda, New York, NY


Dear Glenda,

Before we get into whether you should go away on your own, here's my take on sun-and-sand singles' vacations. First, you want to feel attractive and desirable. I used to holiday in Puerto Rico years ago when I felt ignored by the men in California. It did wonders for my ego and I would come home with my dating radar reprogrammed. The second truth is that most people, especially those going to those Club Med-like environments are looking for lots of no-ties sexual excitement and fun.

The experiences people have in these settings may come wrapped in a nice romantic package, but the bottom line is that those intense holiday connections rarely stand up to the glaring day-to-day reality of a workable relationship back home.

So if you want some attention, a little romance, and lots of excitement, then go for it. But don't have expectations about finding someone for a long-term relationship. It could happen, but the odds are not in your favor.

Your friends are doing you a favor by telling you to go away on your own. I used to travel all over the world on my own when I was single. I met many men who I know were glad that I didn't have a girlfriend with me. On your own, a Club Med-type environment offers more safety than traveling solo in many exotic destinations.

On the other hand I don't know why a group of women can't rent a cottage together for the summer and have a great time. Whether or not you would meet single guys with the same agenda on their mind is a matter of where you rent. Don't do what I once did and rent a place with just lots of gorgeous guys around. Later, when you're lying languid by the pool in your string bikini, you might find out, like I did, that those hunks would rather put suntan lotion on each other than on you.

I sense frustration in your letter. Here you are an attractive, smart, successful young woman and you can't find a great guy to date. Boy, can I relate. But you know what happens when we feel even a little needy? We drive people away. It's when you feel like hot stuff that they all come swarming. So, go away on your vacation, have a great time, soak up all the attention and come home filled with renewed confidence. When you act like you are at a feast, not a famine, the men will find you.




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