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I'm Invisible�No One Asks Me Out

Dear Philippa,

I am a friendly, attractive, active woman. I attend church, volunteer, go to plays. I talk to people everywhere I go yet I never get asked out. What should I do?

�Rebecca, Denver, CO


Dear Rebecca,

I think many of us can relate to your comment about feeling invisible. I equate it to being in a dating desert because you feel like all there is an empty wasteland while you trudge along, gasping for a little water (attention).

You sound like a delightful person, warm, interesting, and communicative so don't beat yourself up and think there's something wrong with you. I've come to realize that life runs in cycles. You know when you're looking out that icy window in winter wishing it were spring? Spring always comes doesn't it? And your time to bloom is coming too. You just have to know that in your heart and not buy into what I call scarcity thinking. That's where you think that there is never enough of something and the odds are against you. Another truth I've seen proven again and again is that we create our own reality.

We have incredible power to create whatever we want in our lives, good and bad. The only thing that gets in our way is our self. If we believe no one will notice us, sure enough we disappear into the wallpaper. We may go about being attractive and friendly, but that subconscious sign above our heads is still flashing, "I never get asked out, so don't notice me."

Years ago I went on a beach vacation with a woman friend. Maria was one of the most positive, confident people I had ever known. She didn't care that she didn't have the perfect face or body, she wore a bright orange swimsuit, threw back her hair and walked down that beach like she owned it. And she immediately met a gorgeous, blue-eyed artist also vacationing there. On the other hand, I worked hard to have the so-called perfect body but I was filled with insecurities and just focused on the fact that there weren't many single men at the resort. I had a lonely holiday and she had a ball with her guy. The point is that Maria expected that she would meet a great guy and have a super time and she did. If I had shared her mindset my vacation would have been very different.

People ask me all the time what is the best place to meet someone. I believe that the specific activity or mechanism by which we meet people is not all that important. What matters most is that you have a clear understanding of the kind of person with whom you will be happiest�and then you must believe that you will meet this person.

Rebecca, I want you to borrow (from the library or a friend) or buy a copy of my book and work through the Profile and develop your Emotional Snapshot. Learn how to take control of your love life, empower yourself, and do the choosing�not the waiting. I want you to become so excited at the prospect of meeting the man you know is right for you that men everywhere will be attracted to you. It worked for me and I was a tough case. It can work for you.

You are not invisible. You just need to plug into your power and shine like the beacon you are meant to be.




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