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Philippa Courtney



Finding Mr. Right is Like Believing in Santa Claus


Dear Philippa,

I know that you believe that positive visualization is the key to finding the right guy. But how do you visualize something you've never had? I have never been in a relationship where someone I liked actually returned my affection in a respectful, loving way. I don't want to pretend and get my hopes up and have them crushed by meeting another creep. What should I do?

�Susan, Yakima, WA

Dear Susan,

It sounds like your bank account is dangerously low on trust. Yet, you did write this letter, so there is still a part of you that wants to believe that you can have real love in your life. It sounds like you have been focusing on all the negative experiences you have had. So let's concentrate on the part of you that wants things to change.

Can you imagine stepping through a new door marked happiness. You don't know what's on the other side right now. All you know is that you have shut the doors to the past and you're ready for something better. I know from my own experience that it takes guts to do that. Before I turned my life around and met the wonderful man who is my husband, I never had a healthy relationship either. You must stop listening to that negative voice that tells you it's better to live in predictable misery than be disappointed again.

You need to change your mindset before your life can change. Visualization can help you shut the doors on the past. You do not need to have had a positive relationship in order to visualize a great one. Even if you had never dated or had serious physical limitations, you can still visualize love in your life.

Athletes use visualization to accomplish the impossible. It has been scientifically documented that people have reduced the size of a tumor through visualization. By focusing their thoughts on what they want to happen they change their brain chemistry and they produce amazing results.

You don't have to start from a place of absolute belief. Your mind cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality whether you're visualizing a real experience or an imaginary one. You just have to be open to the possibility that what you are doing could work. There is a law in nature that says what you concentrate on you will attract, where you focus you will go. You need to start concentrating on what you want to attract, not on what you don't want.

I can hear you saying, but I don't know what to imagine. Have there been times in your life when you felt happy, times that had nothing to do with men or dating? Think of good times with friends, family, a pet, coworkers, or a vacation. Select three of these times. Focus on replaying the events that made you happy and just recall them in your mind. Experience the positive feelings. Now switch screens in your head, transfer those positive feelings to a scenario where you are with someone special. Don't worry about what he looks like. Maybe you are on a picnic or walking in the park. Just enjoy the moment and the feelings. Gradually over time with repetition you will be able to expand these visualizations and you will start to associate positive feelings with meeting men.

Take your time with all of this. Don't try and meet someone until you feel excited about the possibility of finding the kind of man you deserve�someone who will treat you like the wonderful women that you know you are. I did it and I know you can too!




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