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August 17, 2000                                                                         CONTACT: Bob Fiske / 503-353-8840

How Do You Tell Someone It Is Over?

"How do I say goodbye without hurting someone?" This is a common question for advice columnist and author Philippa Courtney. Men and women today are in and out of more short-term relationships as they meet people through online dating, etc. We all want to be able to say "sayonara" and leave the other person smiling. That is often unrealistic, especially when the other person is happy with the status quo.

It's human nature to avoid conflict. But like pulling off a Band-Aid, you have to end things quickly so the other person can get over the pain and heal. The longer you wait the more they live in false hope and develop more of an attachment.

Where you say goodbye is as important as when you do it. Everyone deserves a place where they don't feel like the world is watching them get dumped�that just adds to the hurt. Avoid restaurants and other very public places. A casual, semi-private setting such as when you are out for a walk or a bike ride provides the other person with some privacy and puts you both on neutral ground.

E-mail and phone good byes are not generally acceptable. Demonstrate that you have some integrity and show respect for the other person. Ask yourself if this is how you would want to be treated?

There is no set script for telling someone goodbye. Here are some tips for making the situation more agreeable:

Let the other person know you are the one with a problem, not them.

Dating is a process where you learn about yourself through the people you meet. Tell them that you are trying to figure out what you want in a relationship and this just doesn't feel right.

Do not say that he/or she is a great person and you'd like to be just friends. Even if it's true, it will sound false and sound like you are offering a consolation prize. You may end up as friends after there has been time to heal. That's up to the other person to decide.

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Trade Paperback / $14.95 / 1-58639-000-7
Author: Philippa Courtney



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